Team Kazakhstan’s surprising 5-2 win Monday over Latvia had its players in a good mood and forgetting that none of them have eaten in three weeks. “What a wonderful win for the great republic of Kazakhstan,” said Yevgeniy Koreshkov. “Perhaps now, President Nursultan, in all his glory and goodness, will award us some bread and tea. Or maybe just some livestock and grain. With all this celebrating, I forgot how hungry I was. Oooo, did you hear that? No, that was my stomach growling. My goodness, does anyone have any crackers?”

Kazakhstan, the largest of the former Soviet republics in territory, excluding Russia, experienced a contraction of its economy following the breakup of the USSR in December 1991. The country has been mired in poverty and reconstruction ever since. As such, food is scare, even for athletes. “Government officials packed us lunches but when we went to open them we discovered they were filled with rocks, not sandwiches,” said Fedor Polichshuk. “There is no food for them to send – there’s no meat in the shops, no eggs, nothing. I was able to find a rotten cabbage out of a dumpster, but that’s all I’ve eaten in three weeks. I’ve had to chew my nails just to keep up my energy for the games. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have any chocolate, would you? No? Ok, how about some Levis or a VCR?”

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 21, 2006 IN VOLUME 4 ISSUE 4