ESPN college basketball analyst Dick Vitale, known for his jubilant color commenting and animated personality, reportedly found his way back to ESPN’s headquarters Thursday afternoon after being ditched. “Quick, quick, get in the car,” Jay Bilas shouted to Andy Katz, both EPSN college basketball analysts themselves, outside a Chili’s a few miles from ESPN’s corporate offices in Bristol, Connecticut. The trio had gone there for lunch, when, while Vitale was in the bathroom, Bilas and Katz hatched a plan to ditch their annoying colleague. When Vitale went up to the counter to pay, they took off in Bilas’ Jeep Liberty.

An hour later, Vitale showed up back at the office sweaty and red-faced. “Dicky V is prime time! A true P.T. P. baby! Dicky’s pals tried to give him the ol’ Wilson sandwich but I brought the W baby! You can try and trick me but it’s no contest. No contest baby!” Vitale said after he learned his colleagues left him behind, he walked a mile to a phone booth where he called a cab. “Jay-Jay and Andy-dandy wanted to make the Dickster M.I.A., but I’m a surfer and turfer baby, a real superstar! It’s strawberry shortcake time baby!” Bilas and Katz, who were sure they’d get to enjoy an afternoon without Vitale after ditching him, were forced to fill his cubicle with ping pong balls, Saran-wrapped his car, and finally, duct-tape him to a wall.

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON NOVEMBER 3, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 32