A year removed from suffering his worst year as a professional baseball player, Jason Giambi is slamming home runs and flashing smiles, playing so well he’s being mentioned as the possible Comeback Player of the Year. “It’s an inspirational story, it really is,” said a choked up Tim Kurkijan during a SportsCenter feature on the Yankees DH. “Here you have a ball player who had to come all the way back from an injury-plagued year brought on by rampant steroid abuse. He could have packed it in, But he didn’t. He scratched and clawed his way back by refusing to continue taking banned supplements. Now that he’s returned to glory by hitting .271, we should applaud him. No seriously, fucking clap. Put your hands together for Giambi, for America, for freedom.”

”Success stories like these kind of puts everything in perspective,” wrote Buster Olney on ESPN.com Wednesday. “What those illegal drugs put him through is a hell no man should have to endure. But here he is, a year later, posting his lowest RBI total in six years. It makes me want to go home and stare at my baby girl in her crib and smile, because everything’s going to be OK. Jason, if you reading this, thank you. Thank you for showing me that heroes still walk our streets.”

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON SEPTEMBER 29, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 27

ESPN college basketball analyst Dick Vitale, known for his jubilant color commenting and animated personality, reportedly found his way back to ESPN’s headquarters Thursday afternoon after being ditched. “Quick, quick, get in the car,” Jay Bilas shouted to Andy Katz, both EPSN college basketball analysts themselves, outside a Chili’s a few miles from ESPN’s corporate offices in Bristol, Connecticut. The trio had gone there for lunch, when, while Vitale was in the bathroom, Bilas and Katz hatched a plan to ditch their annoying colleague. When Vitale went up to the counter to pay, they took off in Bilas’ Jeep Liberty.

An hour later, Vitale showed up back at the office sweaty and red-faced. “Dicky V is prime time! A true P.T. P. baby! Dicky’s pals tried to give him the ol’ Wilson sandwich but I brought the W baby! You can try and trick me but it’s no contest. No contest baby!” Vitale said after he learned his colleagues left him behind, he walked a mile to a phone booth where he called a cab. “Jay-Jay and Andy-dandy wanted to make the Dickster M.I.A., but I’m a surfer and turfer baby, a real superstar! It’s strawberry shortcake time baby!” Bilas and Katz, who were sure they’d get to enjoy an afternoon without Vitale after ditching him, were forced to fill his cubicle with ping pong balls, Saran-wrapped his car, and finally, duct-tape him to a wall.

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON NOVEMBER 3, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 32