Two months after being traded from the Toronto Raptors to the New Jersey Nets, a happier Vince Carter lashed out at his former self Wednesday. Carter, who’s rejuvenated his career with the Nets, is a visibly different player since the trade, putting up much better numbers and playing with greater intensity and energy. “I’m glad to be gone, I really am. I was miserable playing as myself,” said Carter. “I totally dogged it, and made sure everyone in Toronto knew I wanted out. I didn’t play hard or score much either. Now that things are good again, I look back and wonder how I managed to play in that environment day in and day out, as depressing as I made it.”

Carter, who’s averaging 26 points a game with the Nets—11 more than he averaged with the Raptors this year, said he’s much happier playing as a version of himself who cares. “Back in Toronto, I had a loser’s mentality and I didn’t get along with myself. Plus, my chemistry with myself was horrible,” said Carter.” I guess it just didn’t seem like I cared. I mean, I wasn’t dedicated to the team and I sat out games with injuries I could have played with. Really, I have to question if my heart was ever in it. It’s just good to be playing somewhere where I care. I can’t begin to explain to you how good it feels to be playing as my present self.”

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON MARCH 10, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 9

From 2003-2006, writing partner Christian Peterson and I developed and wrote for SportsGoons, a sports satire website. Our site is no longer live, but I will be posting some of my favorite articles, starting with this one:

Channing Frye Totally Gets Larry Brown After Reading “He’s Just Not That Into You”

New York Knicks center Channing Frye, who’s been playing for coach Larry Brown off and on for five months, says he’s come to the realization that Brown is not serious about him after reading He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. “I was talking to Nate Robinson about how Larry didn’t want to commit to making me a full time starter, and he recommended the book,” says Frye, who has had some time to think about his relationship with Brown since injuring his knee two weeks ago. “Nate said it helped him deal with Larry’s mixed messages. He realized that it wasn’t a case of Larry being busy, or not getting a voicemail. Larry just wasn’t that into him. And you know what? He’s not into me either. It hurts to say that, but I’ve got to stop kidding myself.”

Frye said that for months, he’s been waiting for Brown to come around, but now he’s ready to let go and look for someone who will be serious about him. “I told Larry I wanted to be traded, and he asked me not to go. He said he would change. He said he was going through some things. But I told him I was done. I told him I deserved a man who truly likes me and not one that I must constantly make excuses for,” said Frye. Frye says that he knew it was over when he walked into Larry’s office and found him talking to Malik Rose, promising to give him more minutes. “Larry’s a total player. He bounces around from guy to guy. He never settles on a rotation. I’m glad it’s over.”

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 6, 2006 IN VOLUME 4 ISSUE 7