San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds, who claimed last Saturday that he would retire after the 2006 season, attacked himself today for getting his story wrong.

Bonds explains why he has such a rocky relationship with himself

Saturday night, Bonds was reported as saying, “”I’m not playing baseball anymore after this. The game isn’t fun anymore. I’m tired of all of the crap going on. I want to play this year out, hopefully win, and once the season is over, go home and be with my family. Maybe then everybody can just forget about me.”

But today, Bonds ripped himself for reporting inaccuracies.

”No, I’m not retiring. If I can play in 2007, I’m going to play. If my knee holds up, I’ll keep on going,” said Bonds. “Who the hell tells you guys this stuff? I do? Seriously? Well, that just goes to show you how often I get my story wrong. Honestly, when am I going get it that half that stuff that comes out of my mouth is bullshit. The other half is accurate. And the other half is somewhere in between. What? That’s one half too many? Really? Hmmm. Well, whatever.”

Bonds says it’s also typical of him to fail to confirm his story with another source.

“Yesterday I posted an update saying that I had a good training day – two hours of cardio and another two hours of weight training. To be honest with you, I didn’t even get out of bed until 11 a.m. Then I drove to the gas station to get a couple of tacitos, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream and a newspaper.” – Barry Bonds

”That’s so typical of me, said Bonds. “I’ll have this breaking news that I want to report, like retiring, and you know, I want to be the first one to report it. So rather than sit down with my father, or my mother, and discuss whether or not this is what I’m going to do, I just go live with the story. It’s like, hey Barry, why don’t you try and do some fact checking? And people wonder why I’m so disgruntled. I’ll tell you why. I hate myself. A lot. Like a lot a lot. More than I hate raisins even. Or sushi. Ugh.”

But Barry’s bad reporting isn’t just affecting himself. Several Giants teammates went on record and said that they don’t even talk to Barry anymore because he often gets their stories wrong too.

“I remember Barry and I were hitting in the cage one day and this cute reporter comes up to us,” said Moises Alou. “So she interviews Barry, and then after asking me a few questions, leaves. So, joking, I say to him, ‘I’d cheat on my wife for that,’ you know, totally kidding, just making guy talk. Well, the next day there’s a quote in the press attributed to him about me wanting to cheat on my wife. He totally took it out of context.”

While not admitting to wrongdoing, Bonds said he could do some things differently.

”I take terrible notes, if I take them at all,” said Bonds. “I’ll have something I want to talk about in the media, but I never have paper with me so I just scribble whatever I’m thinking on a bunch of Post-It notes in the car. Well, is it any wonder that I get my story wrong when I’m going off of dirty scraps of paper? People keep telling me I should get one of those tape recorders, but I’ll lose that in five minutes. I bought a pair of Ray-Bans last month. Gone.”

Bonds says that he also gets his stories wrong on his own personal website.

“Honestly, when am I going get it that half that stuff that comes out of my mouth is bullshit. The other half is accurate. And the other half is somewhere in between. What? That’s one half too many? Really? Hmmm. Well, whatever.” – Barry Bonds

“Yesterday I posted an update saying that I had a good training day – two hours of cardio and another two hours of weight training,” said Bonds. “To be honest with you, I didn’t even get out of bed until 11 a.m. Then I drove to the gas station to get a couple of tacitos, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream and a newspaper. When I got back home, I watched three movies before going to bed. Actually, I watched four movies. See, there I go again.”

He says that he’s begun the practice of submitting stories for editing and proofreading to himself to avoid future mistakes.

“Actually, I haven’t quite started doing that yet. That was a total lie,” said Bonds.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 21, 2006 IN VOLUME 4 ISSUE 4