Friends and family members of brash Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski say that even after you’ve known the guy for years, you still think he’s a complete prick. “A.J. was definitely a problem child,” said Carol Pierzynski, A.J.’s mother. “We all thought it was just a phase he would grow out of but 29 years later and he’s even more of a problem. People talk about kid’s going through the ‘terrible twos’. Well, right now, A.J.’s going through his terrible twenties.” A.J.’s father Donald agreed with his wife’s assessment, saying, “We used to laugh it off by calling him ‘feisty’ or ‘temperamental’ but I think it’s pretty safe to say that A.J. is just a miserable human being with few redeeming qualities. Sometimes I wish we never had him. Actually, I wish that all the time.”

Friend Kevin Foster says A.J. isn’t misunderstood, he’s just a total jerk. “A.J.’s the type of guy who walks up to a girl, tries to grind on her and ends up spilling beer on half the people around him,” said Foster. “Then he’ll call the girl a bitch or a whore when she walks away. That’s A.J. You’d think a guy like him would have a softer side that few people see but not him. He’s an asshole through and through. He’s one of those guys that you can’t figure out how you became friends with. That’s him calling now. No, that’s ok, I’m not going to get it. I’ll send him to voicemail.”

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON OCTOBER  27, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 31