Three months after losing its job due to the lockout, the National Hockey League is still unemployed and spending most of its time drinking beer and watching TV, says the National Women’s Hockey League. “Every day it’s the same old thing,” said the WNHL. “When I leave in the morning, the league is on the couch. When I come home at night after work, it’s still there, usually watching Jerry Springer or Judge Judy. The only time it gets up is to go to the bathroom or get a Miller High Life out of the fridge. I know being out of work isn’t easy but you have to get out once in awhile, you know? Go to the gym. Or take the dog for a walk. But don’t just sit here eating TV dinners in your pajamas.”

The NWHL tried to help the NHL get back on its feet, but said the league hasn’t put any effort into getting a new job. “I updated the league’s resume, circled some jobs in the newspaper and took it to some networking events. I’ve even set up some interviews but the NHL usually doesn’t show up. I don’t know what else I can do. I tried getting the league to search for jobs at CareerBuilder.com, but it ends up looking at porn.” The NWHL says it knows the manager at TGI Friday’s down the street, so if it wants to, the league can get a job bartending for a few weeks until it finds something permanent.

ORIGINALY PUBLISHED ON JUNE 9, 2005 IN VOLUME 3 ISSUE 18